Well it is quite obvious what a wonderful warm, generous, kind-hearted person you must be; after all you are a Scorpio, we are such a lovable bunch, are we not? There are many similarities for sure between us Jenny, and I am really glad you wrote, I hope I am never too big to answer a legitimate heart-felt inquiry. My whole reason for doing what I do is to HELP others. I read your question to my wife and her only response was, sounds like Jenny is where you were about 10 years ago. The only difference I can see is that Fear was never an issue for me. It always felt natural, so right and to me, it was a calling that I had never experienced before or since.
To whatever degree you use this ability is up to you, ultimately Jenny. For me I saw early on where my life was heading and the people I would help. Your calling may not be the same and that is perfectly okay, or you may go farther than I do in terms of my work as a medium, who knows, what ever it is you are meant to do or not do embrace your calling and purpose. Trust that life will not only give you a heads up with what that purpose is, but will ultimately get you there. Regardless whether you go willingly or your ass gets dragged, trust me you will get to where you need to go.
The great thing is you are aware of your ability and you are not fighting it, and I am really happy you did not refer to yourself as being crazy. I would suggest you read books by other mediums, there is an updated reading list on my links page. Meditation was and is huge for me and is something I use every single time I am working with spirit. I figure the least I can do is prepare myself properly and meet these fine people coming through at least half way. Have you noticed I have not referred to my mediumship as a gift? To me the gift comes if I use it well and provide healing, clarity and/or truth to another, that is the gift, otherwise it is no different than a mechanic, chef, or professional singer, you have to use what God gave you well.
I am so happy you know that your father is more than okay. That he is still in your life and aware, that truly is huge. So you have to figure out what do you want to do or where do you want this to go and be okay with that. One more thing, be okay with the fact that your soul may have a different agenda, and if that is the case it won’t matter what the physical you thinks or wants to do. Open up to God and tell him when you a ready that you are open to your life’s purpose and then live it. Most of all TRUST. I wish you all the best Jenny.