You my friend are in a difficult position and I can see that you are walking a very thin line, doing your damndest not to fall off on either side. I can appreciate that you promised your dad and you struggle to keep it. Can I just say that when your father asked you that, he did not have any specific request in mind and he certainly did not nor does he want you to jeopardize your marriage. However, what you are going through is not forever and I can tell you, your mother does not wish to be a burden to anyone, but sometimes we have to step up and live our principle’s instead of just talking about them. You are human and anyone that knows you knows you love your mom; that is not in question. Make sure you have searched out all your options as far as in house health care, I believe most people are eligible for 20 hours a week for home care support workers. I know it is difficult with an aging parent and that guilt plays a huge part when decisions need to be made, but one simple rule applies with each decision; what is in your mom’s and your family’s best interest? This is actually one of those promises you and your husband made years ago at the alter, you know the one, FOR BETTER OR WORSE. Have patience with each other, make time for each other, even if you are dog tired. Talk to a community support worker at the local hospital about options and help, you will get help. Register your mom’s name at other homes for the aged and most of all trust your mom and you and your husband will get through this situation. No matter what decisions are to come you will need to make, one simple rule applies: make them out of LOVE and no matter what comes you will be okay with your decisions and you will be able to sleep at nights. Trust me you do not want to have guilt after she passes, because that will take more of a toll on you and your marriage, more than her living with you now does. When you are getting short with her or angry with her, walk away and breathe and if you can meditate or watch old home movies or pictures and that will help centre you and bring you back to the present moment and reinforce why you are doing this. It is not easy at all, but I can not tell you how many of my clients would give their right arm to have their mother back to care for, no matter how hard it is. Lastly you are not wrong for feeling the way you do, not wrong at all. No matter what you decide or what comes, I promise you your dad will always love you and will not be disappointed in what you must do. He says, you will get through this and as much as you think this is about mom, this is really designed to show you yourself and your marriage, mom is just the spotlight shinning on your life and I love you and THANKS. HOLD ON and BELIEVE!

Back to answered Questions.

 

CopyRight 2002 Christopher Stillar All rights reserved