(in case your question did not appear fully here it is: Hi Chris Firstly I want to thank God for giving you this tremendous gift which obviously changes lives and helps those who have lost loved ones better cope. Secondly, having not met you, and only by reading your book "pennies from heaven" , I cannot even put into words how amazing your book is and how it has inspired me and strengthened me to get through my difficult time. My husband ( a very happy family man, never dressed) took his own life only 2 months ago" leaving me and our two very young children, including my 7yr old who found him in our home. I don't have to describe the difficulty this loss has brought on, as you already know! I look very forward to the day I can meet you and find my peace. I search everyday for "my pennies from heaven". From my heart and soul I thank you for your wonderful words written in your book. From Sandra and her two children. )
Sandra may God and your husband’s love bless you and your children. Let me first say you don’t need to meet me for your peace of mind to start; that my friend is a choice you can and have already made. I can not convey in words how happy I am for you that my book ‘Pennies From Heaven’ has impacted you in such a profound and positive way during your time of loss. I am sure the chapter dealing with suicides may have brought you much comfort in knowing that your husband will be safe and surrounded by only love in spirit.
Your husband for whatever reason was not himself before his death. Know that what ever altered his decision making skills; that it was not you nor his family in any way. No one of sound mind would choose to do what he did in an environment that would forever change his seven year old son’s life forever (he was not of clear mind at that time). No balanced individual would make that choice. This in no way makes him a bad person; only confused and conflicted. I am sure he was a great husband and a tremendous father. So realize that whatever struggles your husband was conflicted with and tried to fight through; know he loves you all so very much.
I can not prove it to you, but time will; you have everything already in you to deal with, cope with and succeed in life for you and your boys. My only other peace of advice for you Sandra is to never get stuck in the mode of victim by yours or any other person’s actions. You have the power to thrive and make choices no matter what life brings you. Work hard at forgiveness and find ways to release your anger and I promise you; you will amaze yourself. One last thing; if you are not already doing it, get your butt and those of your children into some form of counseling (this is a must). Wishing you all the best!